How to talk to your Gen Z child about suicide, depression and the role faith plays

There was a time when a child’s mood swings were chalked up as nothing more than a phase — something that the child would soon grow out of. Today, however, significant mood swings can signal something far more precarious. They can indicate that your son or daughter suffers from depression or some other mental disorder.

That might sound surprising, but it’s true. I know many Christians who battle depression but are too ashamed to share their struggles out of fear of being judged. Yet the issue isn’t going away anytime soon: Gen Z is growing up in a time when one out of every four people suffers from some form of mental illness.

I am reminded of a troubling conversation I had with a high school student after delivering a message on depression. There was no small talk with this young lady — she came right out and told me that she had attempted suicide a few months prior. (Thankfully, a school administrator who had been working with this child and her family was standing right next to me.)

I was so impressed by the optimism and confidence this high schooler had in Christ. She explained how she knew God saved her from dying because He loved her and had a special calling for her. That was awesome to hear. What wasn’t so awesome to hear was that the student’s mother doubted the sincerity of her daughter’s Christian faith after her attempted suicide.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve heard about parents responding this way to their depressed child.

And I must tell you, it is absolutely the wrong thing to say — especially if your child is trying desperately to hold on to their faith. Just because someone suffers from depression or has a mental illness — or has even attempted suicide — doesn’t mean they aren’t a Christian. As a matter of fact, the prophet Elijah went so far as to beg God to take his life (1 Kings 19:4).

Young people often feel overwhelmed by the pressures of life. They feel the need to fit in, to make friends, to get good grades, and to succeed in sports or music or any number of activities. Add in the emotions associated with teenage relationships, and it’s not hard to understand why so many kids struggle!

Another source of anxiety among Gen Z is how much control their parents have over their lives.

Those Gen Zers who crave space and margin in their lives often experience ongoing conflict with parents who insist on too much oversight, authoritarianism, or just plain meddling in their personal lives. Keep this in mind if there is ongoing conflict with your child about spending too much time alone. Don’t automatically assume that isolation is a sign of depression, but it might be. If the conflict or anxiety continues to get worse, or if you’re concerned that your child might be depressed, it’s always better to consult a trained counselor.

My wife and I attended the funeral of a man in his 20s who had taken his own life. The young man’s mother shared how her son always felt the pressure to do things just right. It didn’t matter how well he performed or the amount of praise he received; in his mind, he was never good enough. That desire for perfection ate away at her son over the years. I can’t say for sure that the pressure he felt caused him to take his life, but I can’t imagine that it didn’t affect his decision.

I know this can be overwhelming for parents, too, so let’s discuss how to recognize and respond to a child suffering from depression. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Pray. Psalm 34:17-18 tells us, “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

2. Try to avoid technical terms. Don’t overload your child with too much scientific and medical information about depression. You can simply say that depression is like a sickness that makes a person feel really sad in the brain. Depressed people can feel exhausted, unmotivated, or even scared to do things or be around people. What you want your child to understand is that depression is more than just feeling bummed about something. Depression affects your physical and mental well-being. Some people describe it as living in a black hole.

3. Explain what causes depression. Let your child know that mental health problems can be brought on by many different reasons, and those reasons vary from person to person. But mental health problems are almost never the result of just one thing. Depression isn’t only a spiritual, or psychological, or physical, or relational problem. It’s often all the above. Avoid making it sound as if depression is one- dimensional. Many depressed people need therapy with a professional counselor, as well as medication, to properly function in life. That’s not to say that they don’t love God enough or don’t have enough faith. Receiving treatment for depression is much like a diabetic taking insulin or an asthmatic using an inhaler.

Here are some questions to help you guide your conversation:

• “How long have you been feeling this way?”

• “Is there anything specific that might have caused you to feel depressed?”

• “What kinds of thoughts have you been experiencing?”

• “How is your relationship with God?”

• “Does anything seem to ease your depression?”

• “What can I do to help you with your depression?”

• “Have you experienced any suicidal thoughts?”

• “Are you willing to get professional help if necessary?”

Remind your son or daughter that even though there are times when they feel down and lonely, God will not abandon them to their misery and discomfort. He is always there for us and will give us what we need to make it through each day. If the situation with your child is serious or even moving in that direction, do not hesitate to seek professional help right away!

Taken from “Parenting Gen Z: Guiding Your Child through a Hostile Culture” by Jason Jimenez Copyright © 2023. Used by permission of Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.